Embrace Difficulty - Like Seinfeld
Makes sense but I really don't want to...
I think I might have a character flaw. Hopefully it’s not a fatal character flaw. LOL!
I’m addicted to constantly searching for ways to make life easier, or faster, and definitely more efficient to learn or do things. I’m always looking for the one and only answer or secret to whatever I’m trying to do.
While watching David Perrell’s YouTube channel, episode, “The Right Way is the Hard Way”, he makes the comment when analyzing what made Jerry Seinfeld so successful, is that Seinfeld would “embrace difficulty”. Seinfeld makes comedy look effortless so this is a fascinating comment.
David says he discovered that Seinfeld never found it easy to write. This was an eye opening realization for me because I also find writing hard. I’m one of those people who likes having written something but finds it difficult to actually write.
I truly thought that I just needed to figure out a process to follow, or set up a routine, or discover that one secret writing tip which would change everything, then writing would become easy. I would follow some guideline and then the words would simply flow from my fingers and the angels would sing halleluiah with amazement at what I had just written. Okay, maybe I didn’t expect the angels but I did expect that it would become easier.
Isn’t that the point of practice, to make something become easier?
Seinfeld has been writing comedy for over 50 years and he hasn’t found it to ever become easy. Maybe he needs to call on the angels? Or research some tip to do it better? No, he says if you really want to do something, you need to embrace the difficulty. Internalize that the task is going to be difficult and still do it anyway.
When you think about this, this happens with just about everything. Whether it’s exercising every day or committing to eating healthy or being motivated at work, some days will be more difficult than others. Even when something becomes a habit, there will be times when you want to stop that habit. With me, it’s walking every day. As soon as it gets cold, I want to abandon it and stay inside all toasty warm.
Doesn’t Seinfeld Know Any Writing Tips?
It’s a fascinating thought to consider that even after 50 years, 50 years!!!!!, Seinfeld still needs to be disciplined about his writing. It’s not a mindless and automatic habit for him.
One thing Seinfeld uses to help him write is a “time box”. He sets a time daily when he’s going to sit down and write but also for how long he’s going to write. The length of time is important he says. If you know you only have to sit there for an hour, or half an hour, or even fifteen minutes, you’re more likely to do it. If you tell yourself you have to sit there until you get it done, it’s not as effective and most likely you won’t be able to get yourself to sit down at all.
The other reason a time box works is that you know you only have so much time to get something done. If you think you only have 15 minutes as opposed to 3 hours, your focus is going to be much more intense and your brain is pushed into overdrive.
This is a great tip for most tasks that we find difficult to start. If I tell myself I just have to walk for ten minutes, that’s easier to do than telling myself to “go for a walk”. It feels much more doable.
Just Press The Easy Button
Do you remember the Staples’ TV commercials? Every ad would have the person’s problems instantly solved by pushing a big red button. Don’t we all wish we could have that button in real life?
We’re constantly bombarded with people saying they do have this easy button. You’ll see things like, “5 Ways to Make X Easy…”, or “2 Ways to be Perfect” or “You’ll never struggle again after you pay $3,000 for my amazing course”. There’s always someone telling us they have the secret, the elusive tip, and once we know it too, then we will find something unbelievably easy.
Unfortunately, it really doesn’t exist. You get on a hamster wheel like I do where I’m always seeking the next shiny tip or course, and never getting anywhere towards the real goal. I’m too busy seeking “easy” rather than focusing on the real goal at hand.
Seeking easy is a distraction from working on what’s really important and what means the most to me.
There’s nothing wrong with constantly seeking to improve or learn new things. For example, I’m currently reading a book on how to overcome resistance. Maybe she’ll provide “the answer” and I’ll be able to finally stop my daily battle with resistance. I doubt it but learning new techniques to add to my life’s toolbox can’t hurt. The issue will be if I spend all my time looking for the answer to resistance rather than facing resistance.
No matter how many books I read or courses I take, it will not take away the underlying issue that new things are hard, maintaining consistency is hard, and also things that mean a lot to me are going to be hard some days.
Meditation is a good Example of the Discomfort Moment
A big part of the difficulty I think is facing what I call the Discomfort Moment. It’s that awkward, uncomfortable moment when you think about doing a task and it feels overwhelming or boring or you just don’t want to do it. There’s some thought happening in the background when you think about working on it. It could even be the fear of doing something or not knowing how to tackle it. Or I often face self doubt, frustration, resentment, or even just have zero motivation to work on the task. Whatever the emotion is, it makes you feel discomfort.
Understanding that this can be one reason for why certain things feel difficult can make it easier to push through the discomfort. You know to expect it and know that it’s only going to be temporary so you feel the uncomfortable moment and do it anyway.
Meditation is a good example of this because if you’ve ever tried meditating, you’ll know the beginning is difficult because you have to push through sitting there trying to calm your brain down and resist your brain’s screeching to get up and do something else. I battle with this one Every Single Time I try to meditate.
No matter how long you’ve been practicing meditation, you won’t be able to plunk yourself down on your meditation cushion and be in the deepest meditation of your life within seconds. It will always take time to settle into the calmness.
Yet, I think I should be able to skip that uncomfortable beginning, I don’t like that uncomfortable feeling at all, so then I’ll set off on a quest to see if it would be easier if I used an app, or maybe a guided meditation, or maybe I should just whack myself on the head to get my mind to be quiet. I think I’ve tried everything from books, to videos, to courses, to in person sessions, to phone apps, to binaural beats, to youtube videos, anything and everything, to get me past those beginning moments of discomfort. I’m always trying to figure out ways to get past that instead of just sitting with the discomfort which is really the only way through.
The Discomfort Moment is a Trap
It’s this moment of discomfort which I think prevents forward movement with so many things. It will literally stop you in your tracks and can even cause you to abandon your greatest dreams.
I deal with it every day. Some common ones are:
Writing something new requires staring at a blank page until I get those first words down. That’s uncomfortable.
Trying to de-clutter or clean my home requires me to be in a moment of discomfort until I get into a rhythm of cleaning or sorting. Having to face that discomfort moment will often send me running in the opposite direction.
Working on a project at work has an uncomfortable moment at the beginning because I might be unsure about how to tackle it or even what I’m supposed to be doing. Not wanting to feel that discomfort moment will send me into fits of procrastination or complete mental blocks.
Sitting with discomfort is difficult, even if it’s only for a few moments, but so many good things lie on the other side if you’re willing to endure it.
This does make a lot of sense but I still don’t like it. I want things to be easy.
Where’s that easy button when you need it?
Your Brain Has a Solution to the Discomfort Moment
As soon as you feel a discomfort moment, your brain is going to say, “Hey, let’s go watch TV. Or check your email. Or Facebook. That’s easier and way more fun.”
Discomfort moments and distractions go hand in hand. Your brain will do everything in its power to get you to go for the distraction over having to endure those horrible moments of discomfort. Your brain is trying to keep you safe from having to feel uncomfortable which when you think about it, is nice of it, even if it’s ultimately unhelpful. Distractions seem easier, and they are, but they come with a terrible price of never really achieving much in your life.
So, if you’re aware of this and expect it then you’re more likely to notice when it happens and at that moment you can choose a different response than you normally would. For example, I’m trying to talk to mine and say, “Hello, Discomfort, sit down, make yourself comfortable.”
The Myth of Easy
I think there’s also somewhat of a society myth that if you’re truly meant to do something like writing or painting or being an athlete, it should be easy for you. That is how you know it’s meant for you. Often you’ll hear people say that if something isn’t easy for you then it’s a sign that it’s not for you and you should move on and find something else to do.
Seinfeld proves that this is just a myth. Even the very best in whatever field, still have to work on their skill and not give in to temptation. They are constantly learning, constantly improving, and constantly showing up without fail. And speaking of ‘fail’, the very best keep going even when they fail in spectacular ways.
In some ways, accepting this truth is disappointing. It’s such a comforting myth and it’d be nice to get to a state where things are just easy. I’m sure writing is much more easy for Seinfeld now than when he first started. He must have incredible knowledge about comedy writing and that would help. But, it can’t help him get past those points where it’s difficult to come up with the right idea or know how to express it. That’s where the true master comes in. They work through the difficult moments, the uncomfortable moments, and the exhausted moments when nothing seems to be working.
There’s Nothing Wrong With You if You Find It Difficult
The one last aspect of embracing difficulty, is not beating yourself up if you find the task difficult. It’s very easy to look at someone like Seinfeld and wonder why he can whip off amazing comedy routines and you can’t. What is wrong with you that you find something difficult and others don’t? The problem with comparison is that you don’t really know if that person finds it difficult. If Seinfeld wasn’t so open about how he doesn’t find writing easy then we would naturally assume that it just pours out of him effortlessly.
This is one that I know I definitely need to take to heart. When I start things, I want them to be perfect and as good as they could possibly be. I am not the most compassionate about my own learning process. For example, instead of being excited that I’ve written this article, I’ll focus on the fact that a sentence is awkward or I’ll doubt that it’s good enough to post and become frustrated with why I can’t get it right.
I need to focus on different things and value the progress and attempts I am making. I need to see the big picture and embrace the journey.
I need to internalize that it’s not always going to be easy but keep going anyway.
Embrace the Difficulty
It’s easy enough to know all of this logically. It’s not so easy to incorporate these understandings emotionally. It’s natural to want to be better than we are or to want things to be easy. It’s part of being human.
So, this is where I am, understanding that I need to embrace difficulty but still not really wanting to but as Seinfeld said to his daughter, “You don’t want it enough if you’re not willing to embrace difficulty”. How much do I want it? How much do you want it?
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to abandon this article because I can’t get it “just right”. But, if you’re reading this then it means I did sit in the discomfort moment, a lot of discomfort moments actually, and work through it. Maybe there is hope for me to overcome my character flaw.
Seinfeld and David Perrell may be right then that “The Right Way is the Hard Way” but does anyone have any tips on how to connect to the angels?
I still really would love for writing to pour through my fingers and for the angels to sing halleluiah.
